What a day...

Today was one of those very hard days. Makaylah woke up in a very bad mood and i still had to get her ready for school.  So I'm trying to undress her from her PJ's but she did not want me to touch her. she kept pushing me away, pulling my hair and was getting so frustrated with everything. i hate it when i cant figure out what she wants all she does is yell, scream and cry whenever she gets frustrated i wish she would talk to me or for me to just understand what she is trying to tell me.
This doesn't happen often but when it does its so hard to keep it together. It hurts so much to see her crying and seeing her pull her hair or see her bite herself And not being able to stop it is the worst feeling in the world.  So i just try and give her all her favorite things to get her mind off of what she is doing...Her blanket, cup of milk, or her stuff monkey. Sometimes all those things don't work and when that happens i pick her up and take her outside for her to get fresh air and that almost stops it every time.
but, like i was saying this morning i tried giving her all those things but still nothing she kept pulling my hair and crying at the top of her lungs so i just rode through it got her dress got her leg braces on and put her in her wheel chair and took her outside. the bus was already waiting for us outside and as soon as she saw the bus and the driver ( she loves the driver) she stopped crying. she got on the bus and didn't even want to wave bye to me because she started to cry again. i told her shes OK everything will be OK that i love her and i will see her when she gets home. i went back inside and that's when i broke down.
i shouldn't let it get to me or complain about it because i know things could be alot worst but the thing that gets me so upset is just seeing her get so frustrated and seeing her do all those things to herself. Not being able to just hold her and comfort her because she doesn't really like to be touched. Put it this way the only time she will let us really hold her or just hold her hand is when she is sick. other then that its a side ways hug and u have to hug her she doesn't put her arms around you.
One big memory i have is when makaylah ended up at the hospital for the first time when she had her very first seizure, she was laying on that bed and i had my hand on the bed and she reached for my hand and started to hold it. i was so happy and so sad at the same time. thinking about it makes me cry....
It was finally time for monkey to get home from school.When the bus pulled up to the house i was right there waiting for her and as soon as she saw me she had the biggest smile on her face. that smile always makes me forget about all the bad things that happen in the day. No matter how hard things get i keep telling myself it can be worst, their is alot worst things happening in the world that i shouldn't let this get to me..... I love you makaylah...
hope everyone had a great day if not their is always tomorrow. :)