What a day...

Today was one of those very hard days. Makaylah woke up in a very bad mood and i still had to get her ready for school.  So I'm trying to undress her from her PJ's but she did not want me to touch her. she kept pushing me away, pulling my hair and was getting so frustrated with everything. i hate it when i cant figure out what she wants all she does is yell, scream and cry whenever she gets frustrated i wish she would talk to me or for me to just understand what she is trying to tell me.
This doesn't happen often but when it does its so hard to keep it together. It hurts so much to see her crying and seeing her pull her hair or see her bite herself And not being able to stop it is the worst feeling in the world.  So i just try and give her all her favorite things to get her mind off of what she is doing...Her blanket, cup of milk, or her stuff monkey. Sometimes all those things don't work and when that happens i pick her up and take her outside for her to get fresh air and that almost stops it every time.
but, like i was saying this morning i tried giving her all those things but still nothing she kept pulling my hair and crying at the top of her lungs so i just rode through it got her dress got her leg braces on and put her in her wheel chair and took her outside. the bus was already waiting for us outside and as soon as she saw the bus and the driver ( she loves the driver) she stopped crying. she got on the bus and didn't even want to wave bye to me because she started to cry again. i told her shes OK everything will be OK that i love her and i will see her when she gets home. i went back inside and that's when i broke down.
i shouldn't let it get to me or complain about it because i know things could be alot worst but the thing that gets me so upset is just seeing her get so frustrated and seeing her do all those things to herself. Not being able to just hold her and comfort her because she doesn't really like to be touched. Put it this way the only time she will let us really hold her or just hold her hand is when she is sick. other then that its a side ways hug and u have to hug her she doesn't put her arms around you.
One big memory i have is when makaylah ended up at the hospital for the first time when she had her very first seizure, she was laying on that bed and i had my hand on the bed and she reached for my hand and started to hold it. i was so happy and so sad at the same time. thinking about it makes me cry....
It was finally time for monkey to get home from school.When the bus pulled up to the house i was right there waiting for her and as soon as she saw me she had the biggest smile on her face. that smile always makes me forget about all the bad things that happen in the day. No matter how hard things get i keep telling myself it can be worst, their is alot worst things happening in the world that i shouldn't let this get to me..... I love you makaylah...
hope everyone had a great day if not their is always tomorrow. :)

time flew by part 2.....

When makaylah was a baby it was really easy to take her out. this picture was her first trip to the beach. As you can see, she was sleeping. This is how she spent almost the whole time we were there.
Now its alot harder to take both the girls out. when makaylah gets upset she just yells very load or doesn't want to walk anymore so she throws herself on the floor. even when she is in her wheel chair she tries so hard to get out of it even if she is strapped in it. she starts to pull her hair or tries to get a hold of anything and drop it on the floor. That's her sign whenever she wants to get down from where ever she is.

Lani at 9months when she started to crawl for the first time. she loved it so much and everywhere we would go that all she wanted to do. i didn't like it cause of all the dirty things on the floor but i always made sure to carry antibacterial wipes those were our best friend!
now she still doesn't want to sit still always wants to touch everything and if she see someone trying to say hello to her she hides with her dad or hides in my arms. sometimes when she doesn't get scared she just goes up to someone and just hugs them like she knows them its so funny but i don't really like it. I know its just a stage and she will grow out of it but those wipes or still our best friend! 

Around this time Leilani age 7-8months makaylah 1 1/2-2yrs people would always ask me if they were twins. I couldn't see where they would get that but since makaylah was not walking yet and i had to carry her everywhere then i can see it. Makaylah was way over her weight for her age group but she wasn't very active. not really crawling or walking just turning her body around. Doctors always were giving me a hard time that i had to cut back with the amount i would feed her. Instead i just worked twice as hard to get her to crawl. She finally did. She still loves to crawl every where we go. Makaylah always trying to touch her sisters hair. thank you guys for your time, hope u guys have a great night.

time just flew by....

Its been a while since i have gone on here so since its the end of the year lets go back in time. Plus i got my main computer up and running so i can show u guys some old pictures of the girls. Its very hard to believe how much my girls have grown these past couple of years.
I remember the day Makaylah met leilani for the first time. Makaylah was out in the desert with my mom so Jon and i drove out there. I was going to stay for a while so i could get some help with the girls plus my mom wanted to spend as much time with all her girls.

Makaylah was so excited to met leilani! that smile said it all. i was so worried that makaylah was going to freak out or try to do something to her but she was pretty good. the only time she would really freak out was when leilani would start to cry. makaylah had no clue what that was, so she would start to cry. i always had a hard time trying to calm one girl while the other would start to cry so i had to calm the other. thank goodness my mom was there to help or when Jon came over to visit he would help me out so much too.

Our first Easter was pretty good but this was one of the days makaylah did not like the fact that leilani was crying. makaylah kept getting frustrating with her so she kept trying to hit her to stop but just kept making it worst.
When Leilani was not crying just being nice and calm that was when i would see the sweet side of Makaylah.

Going to call it a night for today but their are still some more days left in December and a lot of old pictures i can post so i hope u stay tuned :)

great start for November...

November is one of the best month of the year. Makaylah birthday and Jon's birthday is in this month. She was born November 4th 2007 at 5:48pm she weighed 7lbs 2oz. and was 19 1/2 inch. long.

she was such a great baby never really cried and was always happy. i cant believe how fast time has just flown by like nothing. i now have a 4 year old little girl. she is such a happy little kid almost always has a smile on her face.

she had school that day and i ended up buying some juice and cupcake for her and her class. they ended up having a little party at school for her.

Grandpa and grandma came over to give makaylah her gift and she loved it. both of the girls loves looking at the fish lava lamp.

she has been through so much in her life and she is growing up so fast. she learns so many new things every single day and i love watching her trying to figure out things on her own. she has improved in so many things, walking talking and just trying to communicate with me. your one of the best things in my life! i love you makaylah.
On Friday we took a drive to my old home town of palm springs, to go watch the veterans parade. Palm springs is still so beautiful out there i miss it so much. i didn't get to see any of my friends but hopefully i go back again to visit perfect time to go visit palm springs! like always Makaylah was in a very good mood but Lani didn't want to leave lol.

I hope the rest of November is as good as the beginning.

October memories

we had a wonderful time in October filled with lots of love and memories. One of the best love that we got was when we got Sadie a 9month old blue nose pit bull. she means so much to our family. Moe loves her very much even our kitty loves her. I want to thank the Connolly family for giving her to us. It meant so much to us! Great new addition to the family.

i had a meetting with makaylahs teacher to find out how she is doing in school and she is doing great. makaylah gets along with all the kids. she is walking alot more all around school then crawling around and she is learning alot more sign langage. im so proud of my little monkey she has improve so much since she started going there in april.

jon and i got a chance to go to mikys and elizabeth wedding. it was wonderful seeing two of our friends get married and seeing how much they love one another. we got to spend some time with our friends and make new memories. thank u Mr. and Mrs. Fedor for sharing that special day with us.

jon and the girls got a chance to meet what i call part of my second family. we drove out to the desert to go visit valerie and her family and lucy and andy. Its been years since i have seen them i think the last time has been since i left the desert in 2007. i miss them very much and im so thankful that i got a chance to go visit them i wish i got a chance to take pictures but i was so excited about seeing them that i forgot. hopefully soon i can go out there again and remember to take some pictures :)

Last but not least Halloween 2011. Makaylah dressed up for school and was so excited to be in her costume she was a fairy princess.

Then later on in the day i got leilani ready for halloween she was tinker bell. they had so much fun. leilani ended up going trick or treating with her grandpa and grandma and makaylah passed out candy with me. then lani came back to help us out the girls were so excited to see all the kids and adults in there costumes coming to our door lani always made sure to say bye to everyone of them. i also got a chance to see my friend shelly with her girls.

Hope everyone had a great month of October!

pumpkin picking...

Since makaylah and Jon were sick for most of the week we decided to take the girls to pick there very first pumpkin today since they are all better. Makaylah and Lani had so much fun with the farm animals that they didn't want to leave!

Lani's favorite animal there were the chickens she kept chasing them around even if they kept jumping and flapping there wings she just kept giggling.

daddy and Lani watching other kids ride the swings

Lani was upset because she wanted to go down the big kids slide but she was to little.

she was very mad but i thought this picture was funny!

makaylah with all the pumpkins shes always good when we go out.

she was so happy to have the pumpkin on her lap.

she loved the pumpkin daddy picked.

i cant wait to carve it and see the girls faces when its done.

such a big girl....

hi everyone..
today was a pretty good day Makaylah had a great day at school and got a chance to see the dentist for the first time and no cavities! YES! :D then when daddy came home the girls got a chance to play. its funny because they rather sit with daddy then with mommy but its OK because it gives me a chance to take pictures. they are so daddy's Lil girls! I love seeing them happy.

well Makaylah no longer likes to sleep in her crib so i had to brake it down. i was sad about it because my little girl is growing up. as you can see from the picture Leilani decided to sleep with her sister. Leilani's bed is the higher one and i just put Makaylah's mattress on the floor i think its safer that way just in case if she ends up getting a seizure, but we will be getting a better toddler bed with maybe a rail. so far so good its been about 2months and no seizures! I'm so happy! she has also gotten sick and had no seizures at all! she is doing great.
its so funny now because makaylah knows she can get out of her bed when she is suppose to be laying down sleeping, she just walks into the living room smiling and walking right to us. i cant believe how fast my girls are growing...

great weekend

hello everyone...

this weekend was pretty good. i got a chance to take a picture of my Lil family but i couldn't get makaylah in the picture i need to work on taking better pictures :) so here is a picture of just monkey. the sun was just starting to set so it was bright out there. shes getting so big and her daddy and i just realized that she will be 4yrs already in November! i cant believe how time has flew by! we are still trying to figure out what we are going to do for her birthday..last year we had a party and took her to universal studios and she got a chance to see her favorite monkey curious George. so we will see what we are going to do.

Lani started to paint and let me tell u she loves it! this picture of her is the very first picture she painted and she was so proud of her painting she took it everywhere this weekend as you can see on the other picture of her.

In this picture she was telling telling me "HEY DON'T DO THAT!" her favorite thing to say now and also "NO NO NO MOMMY!" i try so hard not to smile or laugh but its so funny! but like i was saying she really loves to paint so we are going to be doing that alot more. this weekend she did these two pictures  

the girls had so much fun just playing and playing :) i love seeing them get along and play or watching them talk to one another. i cant really understand what they say but all i know is they are very happy.
they decided to lay on the kitchen floor and hang out with one another

hope i wasn't the only one to have a good weekend. what did you guys do? well i hope everyone has a great week!